At the center of Buddhism is 'detachment'. Sitting still in meditation teaches us to detach from drama and conflict.
Our subconscious reacts to conflict with either craving or aversion to something we perceive; neither of which gives us lasting happiness, instead both create unhappiness at the end. According to Buddhism, 'Not reacting' is the solution to disrupting old negative karma reaching back to thousands of past lives; and a way of creating new, bright Karma in our present life.
I attended a ten-day Silent meditation retreat searching for comfort and answers to my present situation in life; I attended with no expectations, I wanted closure and renewed peace from losing loved ones in the past two years.
I attended a ten-day Silent meditation retreat searching for comfort and answers to my present situation in life; I attended with no expectations, I wanted closure and renewed peace from losing loved ones in the past two years.
There were aspects of this ten-day experience associated
with a monastic life; I received free room and board and had all of my needs
met. The center was located in the country side where it was quite and there
were no disturbances. I lived in total silence; communication with other
meditators was not allowed: verbal, physical, through signs or eye contact;
complete silence for the ten days. No electronics, telephones, reading or
writing materials were allowed. I committed not to steal, not to lie, not to
engage in any sexual activity, not to kill any living things, to respect the
personal environment of others, and to be tolerant of others should they
disturbed my silent space. No exercise was allowed with the exception of
walking. These rules provided total isolation and my mind slowly went almost
blank; I was surprised how simple-minded I became, there were no running
thoughts.
I lived in communal quarters with twenty other meditators
and shared all facilities; food was served three times a day all vegetarian and
always light meals that were perfect for the low daily activity. Women and men were
strictly separated for the entire ten days; wake up was at 430am and meditation
periods went throughout the day with meal times and some rest in between.
We did not seek quietness for the sake of experiencing a
spiritual connection to anything specific. There were no deities or
instructions on following any specific mantras of visualization to achieve a
meditative state. Vipassana was instead based on breaking the link between
events happening in our lives and the process in which we transformed thoughts
into sensations, actions and reality in our lives. It addressed our unconscious mind which always ‘responded’ by labeling sensory
stimulus as either pleasant or unpleasant and created perpetual misery always
leaving us ‘craving’ for more of any pleasant experience, or leaving us with ‘aversion’
to unpleasant experiences.
The Buddha came to the enlightenment that focusing his
attention at the physical response to events, as they came to him through any
of his five senses, would break this chain of misery by not proceeding ahead to
think, respond verbally or take a physical action. He first observed a change
in his breathing pattern and then physical sensations in his body; he watched
them come and pass no longer labeling them as pleasant or unpleasant but simply
observe them. Not responding brought him inner peace.
He committed to stillness while meditating, did not respond to
his body sensations and instead focused on mentally watching the sensations come
and pass. He understood that ‘Not reacting’ was the enlightenment thousands of
Buddahs had come to realize before him and that thousands of Buddahs would realize
after him.
Until that moment his unconscious mind had catalogued every
sensory experience as a ‘craving’, or an ‘aversion’. By giving his
unconscious mind the option ‘not to react’ he stopped the ongoing misery he
always felt; erased past karma or Sankharas associated with the specific
sensations; and stopped accumulating unwanted karma he would otherwise inherit
in the new life that followed immediately after each death.
The word Sankhara originated from Sanskrit and in this context related to ‘having been formed’ and used as a synonym of karma.
The word Sankhara originated from Sanskrit and in this context related to ‘having been formed’ and used as a synonym of karma.
The process for his meditation became a watchful, careful, equanimous
observation of his physical sensations as he sat for long periods of
meditation, committed to stay still and non-reactive to the physical distress
he fell; instead he used all sensations to break down Sankharas. He brought
this attitude of contemplation and equanimity to all events in his life
bringing instead unconditional love, understanding, forgiveness, empathy, and healing
to all situations while remaining detached from conflict; in this manner creating
only brightness and positive karma for the future.
I was following the Buddah’s path; the ten-day training was
a combination of tolerance and acceptance; for me, tolerance to follow the
difficult schedule of practice; and acceptance of the physical distress my body
experienced during the long periods of sitting still observing my body sensations
and breaking down negative karma of the past.
The process of learning to feel was progressive and slow to assimilate;
the first two days were narrowed to the perception of sensations on the upper
lip and the nostrils as they reacted to the intake and output of air;
sensations of cold, dryness, itching, etc.; identifying them and watching them
pass without moving or touching.
On the third day we sat concentrating on scanning the full body
for sensations on the skin, identifying them and watching the sensations pass and
accepting them as temporary; this led to the concept that everything in nature was
temporary and that ‘Change’ was the Universal Law that applied to all things in
nature.
Time seemed to slow down for me and I fought to remain calm;
to allow myself to relax and to let go of my usual tendency to busy myself with
things like work, reading, writing, painting, seeing friends and I felt in
prison. I consulted daily with my teacher; I often felt foolish complaining
about anger and resentment for being there; for submitting myself to follow
directions, something I had never been good at but my commitment to stay ten
days became part of my honor code, a commitment I would not break.
I came to realize that my anger and resentment were not just
against my confinement there but that I was in fact angry and resentful at everything
in life. I day-dreamed lucid and almost psychedelic fantasies and caught myself
doing it; I recaptured my mind, returned to the focus of the meditation and
fluctuated between both estates as days went by.
I had daily lectures as reminders that ‘change’ was the
universal law of nature; ‘matter’ was composed of atoms attracted to each other
by magnetic forces and were always changing; everything was changing from
moment to moment, and that I and all things in nature were different from one moment
to the next. Nothing was static.
I kept asking about emotions and how they related to all of
these and was told always to wait. I fell emotions come and pass; and thought
about the importance of my emotions; the time I allowed to feel them, to
experience them. I came to realize I could possibly do with ‘no reacting’ in
life but I could never live without being emotional. How many nights had I
allowed myself to mourn listening to music, drinking and allowing myself to
wallow on sadness and grief; a sadness party of sorts. I knew I was addicted to
emotions.
I thought about these concepts I had contemplated so many
times before and fell I was at the right place. The connection to this
understanding of our universe always brought me a sense of peace and took away
the stress of facing my daily life which I always took to be in fact real,
forgetting that everything is spiritual in nature from thought to solid matter.
I thought about the concept of totally disengaging from all the aspects of my
physical life including relationships that were emotionally so important to me;
I thought how I had encouraged my clients to pursue detachment, to let events
pass; how difficult this was for me, and I imagined a non-reactive world.
I had to think even farther into my concept of spirit, the essence
of who I was and how I related and connected with the universe; an exercise I faced
every day of my life. Each day I woke up and came to the reality that my life was
not my own but rather that I was following a path already marked for me and every
day I gave myself privately to that universe, a universe I knew maintained me
alive; I allowed myself to believe that it was in fact responding to me, that
it heard me when I prayed and that knew every part of me, that it wanted me to
be happy. It was always at that moment that my day had started and only then I had
allowed myself to be happy; every day I engaged on all the activities I loved
and I called them work: I wrote, painted, created healing, made phone calls,
shopped, paid bills; that was my life.
At the end of the ten days I had learned that during each
meditation I had had been destroying old karma or Sankharas; that each sensation
on any specific location of the body had been attached to specific Sankharas of
the past. They encouraged me to work diligently on cleaning as many of these
Sankharas as I could while I was at the training, and reminded me that just as
the Buddha had experienced I too would see the results soon after by gaining
tolerance, patience and equianimity’. All of these while gaining more focus on me
and less on others; I knew the outer world did not make me happy or unhappy, that
I was the only one responsible to create and experience lasting happiness in my
life. I was reminded that ‘The Present’ existed only on each moment and only
within my own body and mind, not on the outside world.
I felt a release of so much pain and anger I was left exhausted
every night. I did not know how much tension this anger had caused me, how
painful my body felt as I let go of the tension and how many memories had been
associated with my anger; memories flowed, tears flowed. This went on for days but
just as on a vacation by the time the tenth day came I knew it was time for me
to go home. I had had enough cleansing and emotional recuperation.
I teach mediation and most of these concepts were familiar
to me but the total physical focus of Vipassana meditation provided new information.
It narrowed my concept of meditation to my relationship with Darmah or ‘the
nature of things’, ‘the right way of living’ and the universal law of change.
It brought new awareness, a better focus and purpose when sitting to meditate. I
liked the concept that I affected my life each time I sat for meditation ridding
myself of old karma and bringing change in me and my life.
I returned home and it seemed that my mind let loose; I
found myself talking incessantly about the meditation in general and slowly came
to the realization that it was all about erasing negative karma; that taking
charge of my unconscious mind was a task I wanted to pursue in order to better
perform. In the days that followed, my mindset toward personal relationships
changed, feeling more caring. I realized that my personal losses had deeply
affected my relationships; that my tendency to protect myself from pain had brought
me to become sporadically self-seeking and that I had acted on occasions with
disregard of the feelings and emotions of others. I had lost self-confidence
and much of my personal strength.
The universe gave me more when I was ready to handle more, a
new opportunity to grow; I had needed this Vipassana experience I just did not
know it. One month before I was accepted to attend, I had had a dream where I
felt I possibly had died; I found myself in this beautiful meadow surrounded by
a light blue mist. I was alone and I knew I was living as a hermit; I felt good
not sad, I felt I liked who I was and where I was, and I liked the people around
me even though I was alone there. I felt connected to women as well although
the only women I could see far to my left was a group of traveling semitic
women. I also saw my dead father in law who appeared to be in his own bubble of
mist far towards the left as well. I saw him and I had the sense he knew I was
there. I woke up.
I analyzed the dream to be my present life where I am alone one
more time in life but happy in my home and surroundings, happy with my friends,
and connected to women in a very nurturing way. I liked the reassurance I
received in the dream; but when I arrived at the Vipassana farm my dormitory
was facing the meadow of my dream surrounded by a beautiful blue sky.
I knew at that moment I was supposed to be there; the dream
had been a premonition. My birthday felt in the middle of the ten day class and
that day I stood looking out at that meadow and feeling exactly as I had in the
dream; my mind was blank, the women lived to the left of the meadow as well in
their sleeping quarters and they were Indian, Arab, and a mix of American and other
ethnicity. I understood that this retreat came to me as a gift from my father
in law who had been in my dream. I had wondered what he was doing there. He had
been looking after me; he was there and connected to me. I thanked him and embraced
his presence.
In the days that followed, I came to know that I needed to depend
less on others to feel grounded and that it was time for me to take back charge
of my own happiness; that I was ready to create bright karma in my life one
more time. I thanked my friends for their support, for grounding me those two
years of loss and grief. I felt it was time for me to accept that I was moving
forward on my own two feet and that I was going to be OK, that Darmah had other
plans for me and I had to be present.
Jaime Izquierdo
Http://www.Bodytalkmiamibeach.com